I’m standing at the Western Wall with several hundred other Israeli men aged 18-20. We’re holding a Bible in one hand and an M16 in the other. This will be the first time we are permitted to go home with our weapon.
My parents are here. We are in the holiest place for the Jewish people. We are excited and ready to swear.
The swearing words are said. I don't remember all of them, but there is one sentence that remains etched in my mind. "And even to sacrifice my life"...
We shout in unison "I swear! I swear! I swear!"
And in that moment I made the deepest promise of my life - to give my life to my homeland. God was present. My parents were witnesses. The Western Wall and the Bible made sure that I remember where I came from and what it is I’m promising to protect. To protect a heritage that is thousands of years old. To protect the values and beauty of this country. To protect a dream that has come true to be a free people in our own land.
From that moment I was married to my weapon for four more years. From that moment not only my body belonged to the IDF, but also my life. From that deep and meaningful ceremony, I gave a part of myself to something bigger than me. At the time, I did not know the deep meaning of those words or of that event.
What does it mean to carry a weapon? They didn't talk to us about the responsibility involved in this. They didn't talk about the fact that when we take the life of another, our soul remains tied to the other’s soul until the end of our days. We were not told that the army would not necessarily be there for us if something went wrong. And the most important thing they forgot to mention is when this oath ends.
Upon my discharge from the army I decided that I would never fight in war again. The army betrayed me deeply and I knew I could no longer be part of a body that didn't really care about me. An organization that doesn't see me and doesn’t truly protect me.
The decision was clear, but I didn't know that my body and life still belonged to the army and to the country. The oath was made and we were never told how to properly close the door that we had opened.
A few months ago, a spontaneous ritual of laying down my arms formed around me while I was at a retreat in Portugal. In the presence of 24 Europeans from Holland, Germany, Belgium and Ireland I could finally lay down my weapon. I cried when I realized that my body had held this energy of war all these years. I cried when I remembered my young self vowing to sacrifice my life and realizing that I have not been able to free myself from that energy until now.
Over the last 9 months, the sentence "We shall live by our sword" has been hovering around us here in Israel.
And I ask:
Is this true?
Do I have a choice?
Does my Israeliness mean that I will be in war for the rest of my life?
I don't believe this is my destiny.
I will not live by my sword.
I know there is another way.
I know that peace is possible.
I promised to give my life for my homeland and now I take it back. I am not ready to die for this thing called the State of Israel.
I wish to promise instead that I will give my life for peace. This does not mean that I am ready to die, but that in my heart’s intention I will make choices of peace. And from every choice of peace that I make, I will expand the peace in my own world and by doing so in our world too.
I pray that God will shine his face upon us and give us peace.
In the picture a moment of peace.
I’m hugging my Palestinian Gazan friend who lost his mother and other family members by an Israeli air strike a few months ago.
Comments